You’re just asking for an essay, aren’t you? That’s okay. I’ve got a few minutes. ;)
The short answer is I was touched by Ed’s music.
I’ve got one of those addictive personalities, I guess. Obsessive but selective. Under very specific circumstances - when something comes to me in the right way at just the right moment - I can pick that thing up and not set it back down for years. Poking at it, thinking about it, examining it from all sides, carrying it around with me like it’s a part of my own body. Even when I get tired of it, I have trouble saying goodbye. I have to quit things in small bursts, and I relapse constantly. My obsessions end up back in my hand and I’m staring at them again before I even realize what’s happening. But it always ends the same way: one day, I just walk away. Three steps and it’s over, no looking back. This is usually the result of an impulse that comes from nowhere and shocks everyone because they’re so used to associating me with this thing that I have suddenly and entirely discarded. That will happen with Ed, too, which I already know because it always happens. I have never loved anything without at some point completely abandoning it.
I like to say that fangirls are the luckiest people on earth because we have the capacity for so much love, more than other people, and that love reaches everything we do. We can’t stop. We can’t even help it. English assignment? Write about Ed. Art assignment? Draw Ed. Name your pet? Ed. Teddy. Tedward. Baron Von Schnitzelpuss Sheeran. Choose the music for a roadtrip? No one lets you anymore. But the part of loving something this aggressively that I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned is that when you don’t pace yourself, the love can run out quite abruptly. You’re flying down the highway singing at the top of your lungs when your engine quits. No more gas, though you were certain there was plenty. It’s confusing for a few seconds, but then you get out to walk, and you don’t follow the road anymore because you have no clear idea of where you were even heading – probably nowhere, come to think of it, though it was the best time you ever had. But now it’s time to ride with someone else. Figure out some way to fill your heart again, and most likely it will be with something completely new and different. And you will love that new thing so hard.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, the way we fangirls use ourselves up. Over and over. It’s beautiful and it’s exhausting. Sorta like being a fruitfly. Pack all the emotion of an entire life into three days and then drop dead. But maybe I only think of it this way because I’m getting old, and I’ve had so many fruitfly lives already. Maybe other fans think of Ed’s fandom as the marrying kind, and assume the experience will go on like this forever. I like the idea of that, although fandom turnover rates for popular musicians have always been high, and the more likely scenario is that people who are just becoming fans this month will be considered the oldest fans in as few as four or five years.
Sometimes I wonder who among us will still be around. If we’ll still keep in touch.
Now I could tell you all the things about Ed that appeal to me, which I think is what you were looking for when you asked why I’m a fan. There are a lot of those things. He’s a very cool person. But I think the most honest truth is that I am a fan of Ed Sheeran because I ran out of gas and his music happened to be the thing that picked me up, going in an entirely new direction from where I’d been. I am a fan of Ed Sheeran because I am the type who needs to love something fiercely until I have nothing left and must start over, and he is the type who creates things that are easy to love exactly as hard as I need to until I exhaust myself. Does this make sense? I am a fan because it’s what I do. It’s the way I know how to live. Because I have really low lows as a regular person, but when I’m a fan, I have so much love that the extra has to go somewhere and it’s a relief to spend it on someone who accepts it so gracefully from me. And as awkward as it is to vibe a bunch of intense emotion at someone I barely know at all, Ed never makes me feel embarrassed for living this way and being what I am.
So. The short answer is that Ed’s music touched me, and the long answer is that that’s all it takes for a person like me, in the place I was in, to grab hold of a thing until it feels like it was mine in the first place and love it so hard that I use up every piece of myself. But I can’t even be mad over it. Like I said, being a fangirl is some of the best times you could ever have, and Ed Sheeran is a very cool person. :)
I like it! It’s so happy. I heard it in the store while I was looking for yarn the other day, which I think was the first time I’d ever heard it without actually playing it myself, and I have to say my yarn shopping was very much enhanced by it. My favorite part is when Ed sings, “I’ll love you forever!” because his voice sounds kinda rock and roll. :D
Of course, because we are fans and like Ed’s voice so much, it makes sense for us to want to hear as much of the boy as possible, so I understand where you’re coming from here. If it were entirely up to us as a fandom, I believe we would have a second version of every song that there is, with just Ed singing all the parts, and that is the only way we could possibly get enough. But if I were going to judge the song objectively, I would say that as a duet, it works well for me the way it is now, and the male part is loud enough. If it were any other dude singing, I wouldn’t want it to be any louder, you know? Plus the thing was written by Christina and it’s her song, so I think it makes sense for her to have the bigger part.
Be My Forever is also great live, although I do wish Christina had a pocket-sized version of Ed that she could bring out to sing it with her at her shows. :)
probablygonna regret this one
Talkshow: Meet The Artists, 18 July 2014, Blue Balls Festival
(Ed comes in 7:18)
Ed with Ryan Keen and Callum (Saint Raymond)
Ed Sheeran : “Tout l’album est fait d’histoires p…:
Ed talks about the time in between albums, his writing inspiration and working with one direction
Some time ago, MTV uploaded a video of Ed learning a pool trick shot, and I’m not very sure many people saw it. Anyway, now they’ve just uploaded on youtube
What if this was Ed’s leg and he finally did run out of arm space